“We are not even ready to talk for anything below 60 lakhs”. Wondering, what is it that is being bargained for such a huge sum of money? Surprisingly and shockingly, it is for a bridegroom. No, this is not a decade back incident in some remote village in Bihar. It happened last week with one of my aunt who has recently started the groom-hunt for her daughter in Hyderabad. I asked my mother curiously what he was doing? She said he was working in some multinational company and earning 15 lakh rupees pa. I started wondering why would anyone possibly need 60 lakh rupees if he is so self-sufficient. That brings me back to the much sought after question. I have seen people arguing that the reason they are willing to pay huge amounts as dowry is for getting a well earning guy for their daughter who can take care of her for the rest of their lives. With 60 lakhs, wouldn’t anyone be capable of doing that. And the point is, if the guy is so self-sufficient and well earning then why he would possibly need such huge amount from his would-be family to run his own family!
As far as this is a story running in the neighboring house, you can live with it and laugh on it. But consider the same scenario in your own house. Consider being sold to a guy like this. After all the money that your parents have spent for your top class education, after all the hard work that you have put in to be a top performer through out, after all the struggle you have been through to get a good job, after all the dedication you have showed in job to receive a fast promotion, if you wake up to realize that you would be sold for some price to a greedy so called self-sufficient person, then will you not be shattered. I am fighting a helpless battle at my own house for a reform. Dowry and the related domestic violence are the most prevalent problems faced by maximum mediocre households in Andhra Pradesh. Easy access to cheap liquor is further aggravating the problem. Even after decades since the enactment of Dowry Prohibition Act, Andhra Pradesh and many other Indian states are still facing this evil problem. A problem which cannot be dealt without the collective efforts of every probable victim, every father who desires a good guy for his beloved daughter, every mother who dedicatedly does groom-hunting for her daughter, every guy who is an search of a lovely wife and every girl who is in search of a caring husband. It is we who are the root cause of this problem and it is only we who are the most affected by it. So when do we plan to wake up?
12 comments:
yeh ! very true!
i m up..what abt you ? ;) man time to stop groom-hunting ;)
Well, I am not going to ask for Dowry... But for people not like us, we can't change them as her comes the Q of mindsets..
So I suggest that educated girls choose their own life-partner than going for groom-hunting ;)
Someone has said right: "Jab miya biwi raazi, toh kya karega kaazi??" :D
@Manjari, kanika: Time to step up, I am sure you are with me..
@Das: Not so easy dost.. not so easy.. And that is not the solution we art looking for, are we?!?!
very nyc thought swati :)..... Waise aajkal ladkiyaan bf ko itna loot leti hain ki bechaaro ko apne kharchey ke liye dowry leni padti hai....hehe...
the difference is the guy well earning, literate but not "Educated".
Scene is even worse in Bihar, Up I have seen or batch guys proudly claiming that will get X laks as dowry ...
Good post. Cut off balls of such boys.
First of all, brilliantly written.
i was about to leave office after a hectic day at work when i read this post of yours; i can very well understand the mental state of a girl going home after a similar day at office and then finding her parents helpless n worried of her marriage, the ground being this social evil.
"No, this is not a decade back incident in some remote village in Bihar"-- The issue is not at all state or region specific. if u think that this was what that goes on today or went on a decade earlier only in bihar, u r mistaken. dowry system in rajasthan, andhra(as u have talked later in the post) and south india is even worse. the point is that this social custom is prevalent in the whole nation and in most of the castes. The only change that has come in a decade is the amount(risen like inflation) and nothing else.
"I am fighting a helpless battle at my own house for a reform"-- the line truly depicts the situation of most of the educated girls today.
To eliminate any evil from the society, we need to change ourselves. India's education makes us "well trained" but not "well educated". What is the use of education if it does not inculcate values in us? The point is that if a huge mass of young crowd is not convinced against this menace then how can we expect our parents and older generation to understand and stop this trade. Its high time to fight this business which symbolizes pseudo pride and ego. We need to be adamant, convince our family members and after-all realize that it is antagonistic to a protract lifetime relationship.
very well written dear.. m for it as a similar case is happening in my family too.. i tried convincing my uncle but of no use... my cousin sister 5 yrs younger to me got engaged last week... the views of the elderly should be changed by the youth... cuz our struggle is incomplete without their consent to bring any kind of reform!
@Amit, Chetan: Very well said.. Clearly a difference between being literate and being educated!
@All: I am glad so many of us share the same thoughts, let us start from our homes, then our neighborhood.. Somewhere we might help in bringing about this required change!
@Swati: First of all, Kudos to you for engaging us in this discussion..
As Chetan said it, the younger generation needs to be convinced against this menace..
Marriage in our culture is a huge affair for the entire family.. The guy is kind of "emotionally pressurized" by the elders as seeing him a married person is their last dream in life..
In such a situation it gets difficult to maintain once conscience and see both sides of the relationship (This shouldn't happen, but this is what happens)..
Hence it would surely help if the boy knows th girl beforehand.. Well in choosing each other we can keep in mind the "reasonable rquirements" of our parents..
Watch the coke ad at this:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1vKDOWAf5M8&feature=share
Almost all of a sudden, the whole world seems beautiful. Say for example, "For every guy who takes dowry, there are a hundred thousand husbands waiting for an hour for their wife to get ready for the party." Haha!
But on a serious note... well written! Very very relevant in the context of the 'modern' society that we live in!
@Shreetam: Good one :) And I love that ad, indeed has a very positive impact.. But some or the other time such evils come back to haunt us.. I so wish we could get rid of them permanently (while I am living)!
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